Every song, every memory

Have you ever had a song, album, or band that you cherished ruined by a single moment, person, or incident? Don’t you hate that that single moment, person, or incident ruined that song, album, or band for you possibly forever? How do we allow this shit to happen? Let emotions take over and kill that song, album or band…

I remember when I could listen to Coldplay all day and night…literally. Coldplay always helped me get into my creative space to read or write. They were the band that could get me to relax and motivate my fingers to move. Yeah I know what some of you are thinking, “Coldplay? Seriously?” Yeah to some Coldplay is a guilty pleasure but I openly loved this band. I remember the first time I saw the Yellow video. I thought it was simply beautiful. 

I was a freshman in high school when Parachutes was released. I made sure I bought that album. I played it every night when I was ready to go to bed, letting Chris Martin’s voice coach me to sleep. Every night. No one other than my sister shared my love for Coldplay, which in a way I kept sacred because I knew when I found that person, we would have the greatest connection. And that person ended up being my first boyfriend ever, James. He was just as sappy as I was for Coldplay. So the album Parachutes became our album. Coldplay, along with Incubus, became our band. “Yellow” and “Sparks” were our favorite songs. We shared, connected, with the words. It was ours. We were hanging out in the movie theater, waiting for someone to finish their movie and while making out, Yellow played over us in an empty movie theater. Of course to a 15 year old girl, that was insanely coincidental and romantic. A moment a girl will never forget in her life no matter how old.

Here we are, present day. For an assignment for a creative class I’m taking at Rice, I decided to play Parachutes whilst coloring and doodling (that was the assignment). It’s hard…because when James and I broke up, I constantly listened to Coldplay and cried. Parachutes, A Rush of Blood to the Head, X&Y. From beginning to end. Coldplay no longer made me happy, made me go to my creative space because after 2005, Coldplay put me in the most negative, most depressing space. All because they used to be OURS. No longer MINE. Every song, every word reminded me of James. After breaking up, we saw Coldplay TOGETHER. “Yellow” came on and I cried. The concert was the most amazing, beautiful, painfully saddest…all because it was OURS. But there no longer was an our, or we…Oh don’t get me started on “Fix You” my heart still aches a little bit when I hear it…that was the peak of our breakup. I’m listening to it now cringing just a little bit.

I had to quit the band. Quit the albums. Quit the songs. All because of him. The songs only fueled hate. I was glad that they got crappy after Viva La Vida was released because then the break was even cleaner. I just stopped paying them attention all together. No Coldplay meant no reminders. No pain. No more depression.

So now, while I’m in the middle of my Coldplay jam session, I can remember why I loved these albums. Why I loved the lyrics. I can go back to the space the music used to put me in before James. And I’m hating that I let this person, that incident, those moments ruin such great music for me. I guess that is how you know you are really over someone or something like that.

Thought I would share this for anyone else who has been or is now going through something similar…

Mediocre

Ordinary. Things are getting too mundane. Same faces same surroundings how can a anyone deal with the same things? When does the edge come? You know the brink of insanity…

She often had wished for someone to safely reach in and pluck her out of this routine. No need for a hero just a being capable of making her realize, “hey you’re done here,” and go about its way. No thanks necessary.