Artistis/songs that were ruined because of exboyfriends

Let’s start from the beginning.

1. Coldplay – James Garcia. James was my best friend first. I thought he was the cutest thing the moment I laid eyes on him during summer school. We talked about every and anything and I loved spending all my time with him. Mischevious and goofy. James and I were obsessed with Coldplay together, along with Incubus but I loved Incubus before he and I dated so they weren’t effected (thank God!) Story goes one night James and I were hanging out at cinema 8, just finished watching a movie and was waiting for my mom to pick me up or waiting for my sister to get out of a movie, whatever. This was kind of early on in our relationship. New and exciting. We dipped into an empty theater to make out. As things started to get hot and heavy, our new favorite song, Yellow began to play. While kissing, we started to smile and laugh and it became the staple, the moment that bonded our relationship. After that Coldplay became our band. X&Y was released around the time things got rocky and it seemed as if a breakup was on the horizon. X&Y was sad; the album was full of breakup songs. Pivotal moment with X&Y. James and I kept having these conversations/arguments about me staying in town instead of moving away for college our senior year. I couldn’t stand the idea of staying home; all I wanted to do senior year was get away from my family, get out of Richmond and he took that as me fighting to get away from him. He and I had already broken up once I think before all this transpired and we were working on getting back together after a lot of begging from my end. We’re at the park in downtown Rosenberg, discussing the status of us. It was his way, stay and live with him in town, or no way, we’re done if I leave. Ultimately, I was leaving. He drove like a crazy asshole, speeding, waiting to put me out of his car. The soundtrack to the hellious, emotional ride: Fix You. X&Y is sad; that album is a breakup album. How ominous no?  Fix You is blaring. I’m sobbing. He’s fuming. Once we’re at my house, I get out and he flies out of the driveway. Done. I listened that album nonstop until I couldn’t take it anymore. Until I got over him. I quit Coldplay for many years. It wasn’t until 2015 I could listen to a Coldplay song without cringing. In my musical opinion, they didn’t release anything good after X&Y except for Ghost Stories.

2. Lovers and Friends by Usher, Ludicris, and Lil John – Rodney Rogers. So I had left my high school boyfriend in shambles and I was trying not to be so hurt by our breakup while I was at Blinn College. While James Garcia was inflicting emotional warfare on my innocent, fragile heart, boys were trying to talk to me and I couldn’t emotionally put myself into another person until Rodney Rogers came along. Dudes on campus would try to holler at me and I mostly ignored them, my friends snatching me up when I got held up by one. It became routine. Going to the cafe for dinner one day, I see this tall ass dude hanging out in the middle of the student union with his friends, locked in on me. Rodney wore Polo shirts and Forces and wasn’t my type because he didn’t look punk rock at all. Too preppy for my taste. As my friends and I walked by he yells out, “Hey you cute.” I just laughed and kept it moving. The next day, he physically stops me. The routine came into play and my friend swept me away. Valentine’s Day approaches and James had promised that he was coming to visit me. He never showed. I cried on the steps, feeling hella stupid for believing him especially after all the shit he was putting me through and they wanted to take me to the Valentine’s Day dance my school was holding that night. Low and behold, Rodney was there with his gang. He couldn’t stop staring and it made me feel good. Lovers and Friends came on and he asked me to dance. Temporarily I forgot all the shitty things James had done to me and enjoyed another boy’s company. But eventually that feeling faded, guilt and sadness took over, and I had to get out of there. Before I could really begin to kick myself in the ass, Rodney was following me up the hill, trying to get my attention so we could exchange numbers. That was our first song together as a couple. Our breakup wasn’t as horrendous as James but it was pretty damn dramatic. I don’t hear that song often but when I do, I think about that dance and how good it felt to be actually liked by someone.

3. With You by Chris Brown – James Cobb. Cobb was someone who also just dropped into my life. By now I’m at HT and Rodney and I were on the outs, trying to survive off the crumbs. Cobb got my attention the third day of Spanish class because one: we kept hearing that name be called for roll and two: he came in late. I called dibs; I knew he was it. He sat near me in class and we awkwardly shared my book. I adored him and didn’t even know him yet. It was his smile. It was his style. I spent a late night messaging him back and forth on MySpace and split my head open running into a shelf in my dark ass dorm room. Through and through I was super smitten with him. He took me out on Valentine’s Day where I was all giddy and smiles. After dinner, he took me to walk around the lake and on the ride there, he sang With You to me. I loved to hear him sing. He would sit at his desk in his apartment singing while I watched tv. And as he drove and sang he held my hand and I just melted. That day goes down as one of the best Valentine’s Days I ever had. Our breakup was abrupt and unexpected, hurtful because he had no real reason to breakup with me. I cried a whole lot for a long time over him. And I loved Chris Brown’s album so I would just skip over With You or switch radio stations if it came on. It was hard to ignore such a popular song.

So Close

Pressed. Silently, we stood in his kitchen, the small of my back pressed against his counter. Arctic Monkeys plays from the living room. He breathes down on me, short breaths hitting the left side of my face. He’s stares down at me indifferently. No expression. No hitches in his breathing. His hands at either side of me, pinkies itching to be touched. He grabs my left hand, fingers weak in his strong grip. Slowly, he nibbles each finger tip, one by one, starting from my pinky, working his way to my thumb. Nerves tremble as he now kisses and sucks each tip, never breaking his stare. My lips separate as he does the deed. I envy my fingers getting such attention from such beautiful lips; oh how I’ve fantasized them on my own. The corner of his mouth twitches into a smirk as he concludes sucking on my thumb. His index is gently placed under my chin, guiding me towards the place I’ve always felt I belonged, pursed and tasted, enjoyed and savored. I lick my lips in anticipation, ready for the softest crash landing. A long time coming journey comes to unexpected stop, millimeters from home. He smiles devishly as he shakes his head no, abandoning me. He steps away gradually as my body internally crumbles of defeat. The tease leaves me shell shocked and achey. “Later.” he says before he slips out the door to join the party outside.

Day 16 of 30

(playing catch up fuuuuun)

Name something that you miss.

I miss growing up during the summers. I loved summers growing up as a kid, as a teen. Climbing trees, racing up and down the street barefoot, playing games outside late at night like ghost in the graveyard, walking to the neighborhood grocery store to buy candy. As a teen, staying up late nights to write or talk to my boyfriend, sneaking him through a window, or making out in his car, sitting in driveways chillin and talking and laughing. Those were the good simpler times and I crave those times all over again. Getting older can be so lame and such a chore; sometimes I feel like there’s not enough time in the day, the world, to do things that I miss.

Day 15 of 30

Bullet point your whole day.

  • wake up randomly — sometimes on my own if not alarm going off at 830
  • lay around in bed and watch tv TRY to eat breakfast
  • get out of bed between 10-11 to get dressed for work
  • leave the house between 11-1145
  • work from 12-8 depends on the day sometimes its later
  • come home eat something
  • lay down and watch tv
  • eventually pass out


Day 13 of 30 (playing catch up again)

What are you excited about?

  • seeing A Perfect Circle with my friend Alex Thursday night…I don’t get to see her often but somehow we’re always going to concerts together…one of my oldest friends
  • applying to an online creative writing program from a school that I trust in Houston
  • partying with some of my favorite crazies Saturday night

Random prompt

Saw a friend on facebook post about a writing prompt that I felt crazy compelled to do so I interrupt my daily challenge to do this prompt. Let’s see how this goes…

Write marriage vows to your fear or your vice.

Death. All these years I’ve never liked you. I get why you exist, I get why you happen. I grapple with accepting what you are everyday of my life, to try to find some comfort in you. I know that one day you will come and put my mind at ease, show me that things aren’t so scary with you and after you. I know that you will reunite me with people that I miss, that I love. I do vow to you, death, that I will accept you. That one day I will not be so afraid by you. That you will show me that I’m in a better place with you, as some people say. That the world won’t be dark and we will be able to exist together.